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Remmick-Hubert Special Page - Lodi Union High School, Class of 1960-Newsletter

Vol. 7:  2 Feb: Page Eight


clown but
from Michael Johns.......

Complaints of Class of 1960

(1) "I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for $20."

(2) "Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long when $5000 will only buy a used one."

(3) "If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."

(4) "Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"

(5) "If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."

(6) "When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 40 cents a gallon."

(7) "Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts! ! are ridiculous looking. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as girls."

(8) "Also, their music drives me wild. This 'Rock Around The Clock' thing is nothing but racket."

(9) "I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in 'Gone With The Wind,' it seems every movie has a 'hell' or a 'damn' in it. What's next I ask you?"

(10) "Soon you won't be able to buy a good 10 cent cigar."

(11) "Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the president."

12) "Do you suppose television will ever reach our part of the country?"

(13) "I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."

(14) "I'll tell you one thing. If my kid ev! ! er talks back to me, they won't be able to sit down for a week."

(15) "Did you know the new church in town is allowing women to wear slacks to their service?"

(16) "The drive-in restaurant is convenient in bad weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on."

(17) "There is no sense in going to Ohio anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel."

(18) "No one can afford to be sick any more, $35 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood."

(19) "If they raise the price of coffee to 15 cents, I'll just have to drink mine at home."

(20) "If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it. I'll have my wife learn to cut hair."

(21) "Did you know that our baby sitter informed us she wants 50 cents an hour. Kids think money grows on trees."

Mike Johns Second Joke:


2. From Mike Johns


In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with Haiku poetry messages.

Haiku poetry has strict construction rules. Each poem has only three lines, 17 syllables: five syllables in the first line, seven in the second, five in the third.

Haiku is used to communicate a timeless message often Achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity --the essence of Zen: or is that wit?

>> ------------------------------------------<<

Your file was so big.

It might be very useful.

But now it is gone.


The Website you seek

Cannot be located, but

Countless more exist.

>> -------------------------------------------<<

Chaos reigns within.

Reflect, repent, and reboot.

Order shall return.


Program aborting:

Close all that you have worked on.

You ask far too much.


Windows NT crashed.

I am the Blue Screen of Death.

No one hears your screams.


Yesterday it worked.

Today it is not working.

Windows is like that.

>> --------------------------------------------<<

First snow, then silence.

This thousand-dollar screen dies

So beautifully.

>> --------------------------------------------<<

With searching comes loss

And the presence of absence:

"My Novel" not found.


The Tao that is seen

Is not the true Tao-until

You bring fresh toner.

>> ---------------------------------------------<<

Stay the patient course.

Of little worth is your ire.

The network is down.


A crash reduces

Your expensive computer

To a simple stone.

>> ----------------------------------------------<<

Three things are certain:

Death, taxes and lost data.

Guess which has occurred.


You step in the stream,

But the water has moved on.

This page is not here.


Out of memory.

We wish to hold the whole sky,

But we never will.

>> ----------------------------------------------<<

Having been erased,

The document you're seeking

Must now be retyped.


Serious error.

All shortcuts have disappeared.

Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

clown but
On January 14, 1969, comedian Red  Skelton touched the hearts of millions of Americans with his "Pledge Of Allegiance", in which he explained the meaning of each and every word.

Red's "Pledge" was twice read into the Congressional Record of the United States and received numerous awards.

In this time of National sorrow, when America is again united against an enemy whose intent is to destroy Democracy, Red Skelton, if he were here, would want to share once again this tribute to our Flag,

"Old glory".

It is in his memory and for the good of all Americans that it is being presented here.

Lothian Skelton

RED SKELTON: "I remember this one teacher. To me, he was the greatest teacher, a real sage of my time. He had such wisdom. We were all reciting the Pledge Of Allegiance and he walked over. Mr. Lasswell was his name...

He said": "I've been listening to you boys and girls recite the Pledge Of Allegiance all semester and it seems as though it is becoming monotonous to you. If I may, may I recite it and try to explain to you the meaning of each word:

I - me, an individual, a committee of one.

Pledge - dedicate all my worldly goods to give without self-pity.

Allegiance - My love and my devotion.

To the Flag - our standard, Old Glory, a symbol of freedom.  Wherever she  waves, there is respect because your loyalty has given her a dignity that shouts freedom is everybody's job.

Of the United - that means that we have all come together.

States - individual communities that have united into 48 great states. 48 individual communities with pride and dignity and purpose, all divided with imaginary boundaries, yet united to a common purpose, and that's love for country.

Of America .

And to the Republic - a state in which sovereign power is invested in representatives chosen by the people to govern. And government is the people and it's from the people to the leaders, not from the leaders to the people.

For which it stands.

One nation - [under God] meaning, so blessed by God.

Indivisible - incapable of being divided.

With Liberty - which is freedom and the right of power to live one's own life without threats or fear or some sort of retaliation.

And Justice - The principle or quality of dealing fairly with others.

For all - which means it's as much your country as it is mine."

"Since I was a small boy, two states have been added to our country and two words have been added to the Pledge Of Allegiance - "under God".

clown but
Joke from Robert Rocque:

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at a large gathering, and his blonde hostess naturally broached a subject of which the  doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which  anyone should answer with no trouble. If he or she hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?" asked the hostess.

"Well, you might ask her or him, 'Captain Cook made three trips  around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'"

The woman thought for a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

clown but
Third Joke From Mike Johns

Happy Valentine's Day

Little David comes home from  first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history  of Valentine's Day.

"Since Valentine's day is for a  Christian saint and we're Jewish, " he asks, "will God get mad at me  for giving someone a valentine?"

David's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad.  "Who do you want to give a valentine to?"

"Osama Bin Laden," David says.

"Why Osama Bin Laden," his father  asks in shock.

"Well," David says, "I thought that if  a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama  a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent  valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone  a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

His father's heart swells and he looks  at his boy with newfound pride. "David, that's the most wonderful thing  I've ever heard."

"I know," David says,  "and once that gets him out in the open,  the Marines could blow the hell out of him."

[Write Mike and millions of other Americans if you don't like this joke.]


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